Tight leg, loose leg ... >sigh<

I've had to ask the Prosthetist to have another look at my leg. I seem to have swollen up again, and I'm finding it harder to get the thing on; even when it is on, it doesn't feel secure when I'm walking. So I've got another appointment in a couple of weeks. I had hoped they'd fit me in pretty quickly, but 'tis not to be. I just have to walk very carefully: if I start yomping, my leg might fly off and hit somone.

The right to arm bears?

Denise had to remind me that we're not American (and that I might be a little dyslexic).

Anniversary

It was a year ago today, as Denise has just pointed out, that I nearly topped myself on my motorbike. I hadn't noticed the date. D was a bit stressed out but I thought it was to do with the re-organisation that has been going on at her work, which has raised the emotional level of the place anyway - but it was the anniversary that was getting to her - as well as all the work stuff. But I'm still here, so we're going to celebrate with a nice takeaway and a bottle of champagne.

I went to see the physiotherapist today, and she seems to have got to the bottom (ho-ho) of my hip pain. I've got several well established knots in my muscles that she's going to work on over the next few weeks; and she's confirmed that there's no damage to my pelvis or the hip joint, which is good news. So, it is something that can be fixed with just some specialised excercises and some manipulation. Phew!

These knots were probably established when I started learning to walk again - despite the physios in the hospital doing their best to make sure we didn't limp or leg-drag (no mummy's curse auditions allowed) - and I've no doubt been favouring that leg ever since, expecially when tired.

I've tried my hardest to walk naturally with the false leg, and I thought I'd been doing OK. In fact, the physio told me today that, when she was watcing me walking, she had to remind herself which was the false leg; so I can't have been doing too badly.

Anyhoo, once all these knots got established, it's been a vicious circle. Once I've been walking for about 10 -15 minutes, I obviously start getting tired, which causes me to alter my gait, which puts more pressure through these muscles, which, because they're knotted, creates pain, which causes them to knot up more, which causes me to alter my gait more, etc., etc. and so on until I can barely stand up .

The MAIN thing is, that it's something that's simple to fix, and once I've got rid of the knots, there are excercises I can do to keep them away, and, all being well, whah-lah (voila), I'm back to normal. Well, as normal as I'll ever be. But that's another story. Another long ... long story...

Got to get better for when we go to China, AND I've been contacted about a job. It's in Glasgow, if it comes, off - a pain really, all the way over there ... BUT, it's a job, so there we are. After 12 months. I've watched all my DVDs (at least twice), played all my computer games to DEATH, read all my books, AND all of the Internet (although I did miss the bit where they're saying that they want Bruce Willis to play Murray Walker in a film about Michael Schumacher ... they've got to be joking. Haven't they? Really ... ? Dear godalmighty, whatever next), erm, so, anyway, the point being, I'm a bit bored now, so ... job maybe. Soon. Well; I am a bit scared, but generally: great!! Maybe I'll get out of this house and be able to post a photo of something that's not ... of this ... house.

I'll be OK as long as I've got my Denise. She remains my rock.

April 22nd - upsides and downsides

The downsides of having bought the Mazda 6 are starting to kick in - I got the tax disc renewal through this week. Over £200!! Not particularly good on the emissions front then. I'm getting about 32 miles per gallon out of it, even thrashing it down to the borders - as long as I've got the calculation right. The trip computer says it's doing 14.5 litres per 100 miles ... or something. Well, it's a hoot to drive, so I think it's worth every penny.

I went to fill up with petrol today, but the news about the shutdown at the Grangemouth refinery has got through to the Chicken Littles, and there was a huge queue at the pumps. It took ages to get my turn, but at least the tank's now full: another slight down-side - the tank's huge. I know I don't have to fill it, but carting around a tank full of fuel is something I've always done. I'm one of those that starts looking for a petrol station as soon as the gauge gets down to one quarter left.

I managed to get my leg on with a thick sock today, which is much more comfortable, proving that the swelling is going down, and that I'm getting back to normal. This is progress, believe me. After getting petrol and going shopping, I decided to go for a walk. I managed to get round my old one mile route: result! My hip was very achey, but I managed to get a referral letter for physiotherapy out of the guys at Astley Ainslie at the last clinic, to attempt to address this, so it's looking hopeful. If they can work out what's causing the pain and do something to address it, I can start extending my walking range, which is my long-term goal. I could do with getting some improvement before we go to China, since I think there will be a certain amount of walking required, particularly when we get to the Great Wall. I'll be throwing myself into any exercises they give me, if it's going to help me to walk properly.

Ho hum ... again

After a little while with the new adjustments on my prosthetic, things are starting to settle down. It's very tight just now, so I can only wear a single thin sock, which makes it feel a little rough. I expect it's going to take a little while to get back to where I was before the infection. I've put looking for work off for a month or so. Just as well, as there doesn't appear to be anything going just now. I think I've had enough of rest and recouperation, though ...

Clinic day today

The clinic meeting went well today. They altered my prosthetic to address the fitment problems I'd been having. Really, I should have gone straight back to them and said that it wasn't working, but, hey ho, we live and learn. I'm going to try dropping the paracetamol and diclofenac tablets that I'm taking for the pain, and just take them as and when needed. I will still take the Gabapentin, for the phantom pains. Had the prosthetic on for about four hours yesterday, and a couple of hours so far today. I'll probably put it on again later for a bit, just for washing up etc.

Denise has been having to do everything lately - all the cooking and the clearing up and so on, and I've only been able to do a few bits and pieces, which has made me feel really guilty. She's so busy with work that all she really wants to do when she gets home is relax; but when I'm back on two feet again, I hope I can have a meal ready for her when she gets in, and things like that. She is so good to me, and I really appreciate all she does.

Yesterday was the first time I'd been able to get into the car for a drive for a couple of weeks. The weather hadn't been up to much for some time beforehand and didn't encourage me to go for a drive, and I'd really been getting wound up being stuck in the house. I really enjoyed my drive out. The act of driving, and the scenery (snow topped hills at the moment) really helps me unwind, and the cup of coffee and sausage sandwich at the half way / turn-around point tastes all the better.

So. I've got to start again, building up my stump's tolerance for wearing the prosthetic. I'll need to take it easy, as it is still rather tender. But! Things are looking up again!

Hmm ... better day today

So far, things are going OK re the infection on my leg. The angry redness and the swelling has started to go down - phew! Still a little lumpy, and a bruise is coming through; and I still can't get my leg on yet. All this being stuck in the wheelchair and having to use the crutches to get up and down stairs makes me appreciate how far I've come, eh? Whoo! Ain't going back to that, thank goodness, all being well.


Adding to my much better mood today, the new Nazareth album that I've been waiting for came out today, and was duly delivered by my best friend the postie ...

along with a couple of items from their back catlogue I'd ordered (Cinema, and Expect No Mercy)

.. erm, plus Thin Lizzy's Live And Dangerous (both the CD and DVD versions), which was by far my favourite live rock album. Now I already have this on vinyl, and I could have converted it, but it was really cheap and I was ordering the other stuff anyway, and ... well, retail therapy, ok? And what's wrong with that?!

Trials and tribulations (long one - sorry)

I’m back in the wheelchair this week after getting an infection in my stump. It started on Thursday morning with a stabbing pain in the top of my shin when I put my leg on. I’d been trying a different arrangement for my socks, in an attempt to improve the fit, but as soon as I put weight on my leg, I got the pain.

I took my leg off and re-arranged my socks back to how they’d been over the previous few weeks, and thought no more of it. I knew it was going to be a busy day, and I needed to leave the leg on as our cleaner, Linda, was coming; then I was expecting delivery of our new dishwasher (they could only say that they were coming between 12 and 4pm) and I needed to be up and about for that; and finally I was waiting for our local appliance repair guy to come and fit it.

While the repair guy was still struggling to get the cabinet door to fit on the dishwasher front (Hoover don’t give very good instructions – glad I wasn’t trying to do it!), Denise arrived home from her trip to Germany. Once we were alone, we went for a walk, and later on, went out for a pizza and to go to the pictures.

All this time my leg felt slightly uncomfortable, but when we got home, and I took the prosthetic off, it was very very tight and my leg was very sore. There was a bright red swelling on my shin, just under my kneecap (I tried to take a photo, but the redness didn’t really show up – which is why there’s no photo posted here), which was very tender to the touch.

I assumed that it would go down in a day or so, but by Sunday evening, it was still very hot and tender, and I was worried about getting an infection on the bone again, so I phoned the Astley Ainslie hospital for advice yesterday (Sunday), but they said I needed a referral from my GP to see the specialist at the hospital.

So I’ve just got back from the GP, who prescribed me a course of anti-biotics – my old friend co-amoxyclav again, which I was popping nearly all the time I was in hospital. My GP didn’t think I needed to see the specialists at the Astley Ainslie hospital, as he thought it was just an infection in the skin, which suited me: saved a trip into Edinburgh – but I’m going to be keeping a weather eye on it, and if there’s no sign of improvement in the next couple of days or, I will be back to the doctor again. It’s bad enough having lost my foot and ankle to infection, I don’t want to be losing any more of my leg.

That’s enough of that. The film we went to see was Vantage Point starring Dennis Quaid. If you’ve seen the trailers you’ll know that the premise is that the US President is assassinated while attending a rally prior to an anti-terrorism summit in Spain, and the film reveals more about what happened by seeing the event from a number of different viewpoints. This is all then pulled together, and we have the obligatory car chase – with Opel Astras, no less. I won’t reveal anything in case you want to go and see it, but honestly, I’d wait and see it on telly if I was you. Seeing it on the big screen doesn’t really add anything to the experience. It was nice to have a night out, but this wasn’t the best film I’ve seen by a long shot. I’ll bet that it’s based on a short story or something, and I’d guess that the written version is a lot better. There were a number of Hollywood stars in the cast (Forrest Whittaker, Sigourney Weaver, Matthew Fox, William Hurt, and your favourite South American Dictator’s namesake and mine, Eduardo Noriega), but those parts could have been played by anyone, really.

I was able to enjoy watching all the motor-racing that was on telly this weekend, while Denise went to Edinburgh to run in the World 5k. She stayed on to watch all the cross-country stars in the World Cross Country events in Holyrood park, while I watched the MotoGP race. James Toseland, the best (only?) brit on the grid, was unlucky to come only 6th, after having been duffed up by Loris Capirossi on the last corner. You don’t get any more experienced on a GP bike than Capirossi, so at least Toseland can take comfort from being beaten by a wilier opponent. JT started 8th on the grid, which wasn’t bad considering he was suffering from bronchitis, but lost out at the start, dropping to 10th. He’d fought his way (literally – there are other bikes in the workshops with Toseland’s bike’s yellow and blue paint down the sides of their fairings) up to 5th, and was fighting them off nearly all of the rest of the race, right until the last corner; which is pretty good going considering he was ill. Dani Pedrosa didn’t do bad to win, either, considering he was riding with an injured hand. Didn’t stop him wrassling that Honda all around the circuit for 30 laps, or whatever it was. It’s also very encouraging to see me old favourite Valentino Rossi coming in second from the second row of the grid.

Due South to Moffat

I'm still looking for work, but there's not a lot around just now. Suits me. I'm nearly ready, but I could do with just a little more time to work on my stamina. My mood is a lot better (ask Denise about that!), and I'm back to having a positive outlook; as I had when I was in hospital. The support around me then made it a lot easier to be positive, and the progress was much greater - going from not walking at all to walking - even if only slowly and with the aid of sticks - is a huge jump. I still have great support around me from friends and family, but it is not the crucible that the hospital was. Nowadays, the improvements are smaller, and it's harder to recognise them for what they are. Sometimes I needed that pointed out to me, by Denise, and my friends.

We had a really nice drive down to Moffat, in the Borders, today. This is my favourite drive, because the scenery is stupendous. There are no photos here, because there are not many places to stop to take them. Some time ago I posted a photo of the Devil's beeftub, which is on this route. Today, there was a bit of snow about, and the hills were dusted with it. Superb, and I never even had to fight my way through Easter traffic over the Forth Road Bridge! The Highlands are beautiful, don't get me wrong, but sometimes it's a lot easier to head south.

Back to work?

Suddenly, I'm getting on better with my leg. I guess my own leg and the prosthetic extension have decided that they're stuck with each other, so they might as well get along. I was getting quite a lot of pain yesterday, probably following the exercise I did at the gym on Sunday. But it's calmed down now, and it's such a relief that, generally, it's getting easier. We walked up to our favourite local restaurant at the other end of the village, and I was fine. I suddenly realised I was walking at nearly my pre-accident pace - none of the slow, frustrating plodding. So, speed is up, but range/stamina isn't. Apparently you're supposed to concentrate on one or the other, and, being the impatient person I am, I went for speed ;-)

I am seriously thinking about going back to work in about a month, if there's anything going. I've contacted Steven, the guy I was working for at RBS when I had my accident, so see if I can go back, but I've also been contacted by another consultancy I worked for a few years ago, and they are also looking to see if they can find anything for me.

This is all good stuff, but it's also slightly terrifying. I've not worked for a year, and have got out of the habit - I have a lot of time to myself, and have not, so far, minded that. I see nothing wrong in wanting to watch a couple of films in the afternoon, then have a bit of a nap, and then play computer games. I'm happy doing that. When I'm not, I'll know I'm really ready to go back to work. At the moment, I'm just getting a little unsettled, and feeling guilty that I'm not back after a whole year. But when you think I actually had my amputation at the end of July, that will only be 9 months if I go back in April, and some people don't get back to work for a couple of years.

Anyhow, as I've joined the gym now (yes, really) I'm hoping to build up my stamina, and get myself back interested in the world outside the house, so it sort of feels right that I'm putting out feelers for getting back to work. I have to admit to being unsure whether I'm doing the right thing. I sort of set a year from my accident almost at random, and I'm feeling pressure on myself to stand by that. I don't know how much my condition is going to improve if I go on as I am. Should I wait, do more excercise, and be sure I'm up to it, or should I go back to work and hope that any potential employer will be sympathetic when I run out of steam, or am suffering from pain and needing to take my leg off for a couple of hours? It's hard. I could go on as I am for months and months, getting leg pain, and falling asleep in the afternoon. If I just go on waiting for that to improve, I may never get back to work. Got to do something, then. Yes? No? Oh, good grief, I just don't know.